DAY 4 – Totally Cracked

7:20am:  As if it were a cosmic joke, at 4:30 am I had a mini disco-tec blaring in my head.  To accompany all of my weighty thoughts “Don’t Stop Believing” kept me company.  Seriously! I couldn’t make this crap up. I mean who would voluntarily have Journey pulsating through their brain at that ungodly hour?  We start the actual Vipassana technique today (everything else was apparently just a warm-up). Don’t know what that means yet…
5:35pm: Ace of Base kept me company this afternoon while the voice of the teacher slowly killed my soul. I really began to fantasize about meeting up with Helen—of course when I told this to teacher she told me to talk to teacher—then she adds that I am in the middle of a mental surgery and it wouldn’t be safe for me to leave in the middle of the operation…
Huh! I am doubting that I make it past the first two hours of meditation tomorrow morning – even the uplifting and oddly appropriate lyrics of “I Saw the Sign” couldn’t cheer me up as I pained my way through the “real” Vipassana meditation.  Now, for one hour three times each day we have to sit perfectly still without shifting or moving. This is torture. Basically, after evening meditation I plan on informing teacher that I am outta here.
9:32pm: More groaning/moaning/singing from Goenka had me fully ready to get the hell out of here as I waited my turn to talk to teacher after the evening meditation and discourse. So, I patiently wait until he calls me up.  When he prompts me for my question I bluntly inform him that Goenka’s singing is slowly killing my soul and that I want to leave.  His response: he laughed at me and responds “So, you want to join Helen do you?” I sputter out that that is not wholly the reason. It’s the singing/moaning of Goenka on the tapes that are making me die a little inside every time I hear them. I plead with him to let me leave and save me from the urge to kick puppies that comes every time I hear Goenka’s voice.  All I get out of him is a prompting to go get some sleep.
Teacher is actually a pretty funny guy. He took my overly dramatic requests in stride and good-naturedly laughed at me as I dragged myself off of the question cushion and virtually crawled back to my own cushion.  So, apparently I just have to get some sleep tonight and if I still want to leave tomorrow I can talk to teacher again—I am so close to freedom I can taste it!